This topic keeps coming to my mind and it is about time I just write my thoughts about this...
The world has brain washed us into thinking that men are not abused. But it has also brainwashed us to believe that women are suppose to be the powerhouse of a relationship, that we can be demanding and if our husband doesn't give us everything we want, then he is abusive.
So let us look at ways that women are abusive and may actually seem appropriate.
1- MONEY
Money is a huge problem. What if your wife shops way too much and risks you not being financially stable? Is it OK to put her on a budget? Honestly yes, but for the world it might make you out to be controlling and abusive to her when her actions are abusive too.
2- HITTING
Boys are taught at a young age that they never hit girls but we see girls slapping boys all the time. The man who was slapped was just suppose to take it. Hitting is hitting, slapping is slapping, and whenever it is done it is demeaning and abusive.
3- BELITTLING
Whenever a wife or girl puts down her husband or someone she loves, it sends mixed messages and does have lasting effects. So often we think men aren't sensitive inside, but they have feelings, they can have self confidence issues, they can struggle with things even when they hold their front. This is extremely destructive when she does this in public and over time. Another form of belittling is when we see the man on his knees begging to be forgiven. This is belittling.
4- MINIMIZING
This is a much more complex problem that we see in some abusive relationships both with a woman abusing a man and a man abusing a woman. As for the sake of this article we will focus on how girls use this. If you are at a party with your wife and she is flirting with other men, she may just say "don't over react." This minimizes your feelings but then you find out she later cheated on you with that guy. Or when she hits you and you express how much that hurt you, then she can tell you not to be so sensitive. Minimizing someones feelings is very dangerous, especially if they already have low self esteem. I will go into more detail on a different article.
5- MANIPULATING
Girls learn how to manipulate from a young age. We learn by manipulating parents, friends, teachers, or whatever. But it can also be a form of abuse. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave her, playing the victim, withholding information, crying, threatening to do or say something, yelling, silent treatment and many more ways. Not all of these are forms of abuse, but can be used in abusive situations to amplify the abuse.
6- UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS and LACK OF APPRECIATION
This is a huge one. We need to understand that our spouse is human and therefore can't do everything and especially perfectly. We find ourselves a lot more disappointed when we expected too much out of them. I have seen girls who tell their husband they don't like flowers and then become mad that they didn't get any for valentines day. Or the wife gets all bent out of shape that her husband doesn't appreciate what she does all day, when she hasn't ever expressed appreciation of how hard his day was.
I remember feeling upset that my husband had no idea how hard it was being home with the kids all day, and then he told me, "You have no idea how hard it is to miss our children's lives everyday." I never had thought of that before and it changed everything for me. We assume we are more important and that causes a lot of problems in itself.
There are many aspects of abuse that need to be understood and to notice when it has gone too far. There is a beautiful balance in a marriage and raising kids together. It takes patience, love, and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes and see how you treat them.
The world has brain washed us into thinking that men are not abused. But it has also brainwashed us to believe that women are suppose to be the powerhouse of a relationship, that we can be demanding and if our husband doesn't give us everything we want, then he is abusive.
Money is a huge problem. What if your wife shops way too much and risks you not being financially stable? Is it OK to put her on a budget? Honestly yes, but for the world it might make you out to be controlling and abusive to her when her actions are abusive too.
2- HITTING
Boys are taught at a young age that they never hit girls but we see girls slapping boys all the time. The man who was slapped was just suppose to take it. Hitting is hitting, slapping is slapping, and whenever it is done it is demeaning and abusive.
Whenever a wife or girl puts down her husband or someone she loves, it sends mixed messages and does have lasting effects. So often we think men aren't sensitive inside, but they have feelings, they can have self confidence issues, they can struggle with things even when they hold their front. This is extremely destructive when she does this in public and over time. Another form of belittling is when we see the man on his knees begging to be forgiven. This is belittling.
4- MINIMIZING
This is a much more complex problem that we see in some abusive relationships both with a woman abusing a man and a man abusing a woman. As for the sake of this article we will focus on how girls use this. If you are at a party with your wife and she is flirting with other men, she may just say "don't over react." This minimizes your feelings but then you find out she later cheated on you with that guy. Or when she hits you and you express how much that hurt you, then she can tell you not to be so sensitive. Minimizing someones feelings is very dangerous, especially if they already have low self esteem. I will go into more detail on a different article.
Girls learn how to manipulate from a young age. We learn by manipulating parents, friends, teachers, or whatever. But it can also be a form of abuse. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave her, playing the victim, withholding information, crying, threatening to do or say something, yelling, silent treatment and many more ways. Not all of these are forms of abuse, but can be used in abusive situations to amplify the abuse.
This is a huge one. We need to understand that our spouse is human and therefore can't do everything and especially perfectly. We find ourselves a lot more disappointed when we expected too much out of them. I have seen girls who tell their husband they don't like flowers and then become mad that they didn't get any for valentines day. Or the wife gets all bent out of shape that her husband doesn't appreciate what she does all day, when she hasn't ever expressed appreciation of how hard his day was.
I remember feeling upset that my husband had no idea how hard it was being home with the kids all day, and then he told me, "You have no idea how hard it is to miss our children's lives everyday." I never had thought of that before and it changed everything for me. We assume we are more important and that causes a lot of problems in itself.
There are many aspects of abuse that need to be understood and to notice when it has gone too far. There is a beautiful balance in a marriage and raising kids together. It takes patience, love, and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes and see how you treat them.
