Today an interesting thing happened. I sat with a small group of friends who got onto the topic of abused women. Staying with an abuser seemed so absurd to them as if there was absolutely no reason anyone would stay with someone who was mean or hurt them. After the topic became lit with emotions, I finally told them that I had been in an abusive marriage.
It was the first time I was able to explain to real people the mind set of someone who is being abused. I talked about the life long healing, the struggle of leaving, the turmoil that it leaves you in. I was shocked at how emotional I felt inside as I told of my struggle and the fear that comes with it.
The reason I have kept it a secret for so long was that people don't understand or try to understand because they cant comprehend it. It would be as if someone started talking computer programming or trig to me. When you can't relate to it, it is so hard to comprehend it. And the only way to "move on" is to categorize it somewhere and that usually is that the girl is crazy.
Staying together is the easier option because it is known, you are familiar, it is actually normal. why would you want to leave "normal" when doing something different brings fear. In all honesty their normal should bring them great fear, but it doesn't, just like upping the temperature in a shower. It is gradual and there isn't an end. We all love things to be normal and uneventful except a quick thrill. So can you really blame them?
So if I can change everyone's judgement, I would love to say, "everyone is who they are for a reason." In most cases you won't be able to truly understand why, but we can't judge them, just get to know them.
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