1- Don't Take it Personal
Their depression, PTSD and anxiety has nothing to do with you (most cases) but it is easy to think it does. For those trying to make sense of another person's depression can't look at as 2+2=4. It isn't black and white as much as it seems like it is to us.
So if your loved one is telling you they are having thoughts of suicide it is important not to look at it as if they don't love you or want to be with you. From my experience, thoughts of suicide have nothing to do with me, it has more to do with how he feels his depression affects me. Suicide is a complex thing and it is important to get them help. They really believe that our world would be better if they weren't in it.
2- Redefine Success
I use to think that I wasn't a good mother if my kids were sad or fighting and the same when my husband was having a down day. I thought that I needed to be more fun or spontaneous or whatever. But the truth is that the only thing that matters is if they know I love them. So if my husband is having a hard day, my goal is to show him that I love him. He is usually still down but at least he isn't down and lonely. You are successful when they know that you care.
3- Thrive
This took me a long time to learn. I always thought I was suppose to mirror my husband's moods. If he was shut down, then I should shut down. If he was down, I should act down. It wasn't until recently when I asked him if it was OK for me not to be sad if he was sad, and if it was OK for me to still be happy and silly around him. He immediately said yes! He hated that his depression brought me down too and therefore it made even harder when he felt down to see me down too. Now that I can be silly and happy, it makes a huge difference. Misery doesn't always want company.
4- Endless Love
It isn't uncommon for people with depression to push away. This action to mean means "how far will you go to show me that you love me?" Toddlers and teenagers do the same thing. They push away to see if you will follow. Is there a point where you won't love them? Is there a limit to your love? And are you really there for them?
Everyone might pull away differently, some get busy and stay busy to avoid interaction and others might literally tell you that they need to be alone. In any case it is important for them to know they are loved. Catch them during a project or hug them before they separate themselves from you. Anything to show them that you love them before they are left even longer in their own thoughts.
Also some forms of love are stronger than others. I love the book "The 5 Love Languages" where it talks about how we respond to differently to the 5 expressions of love. Some people love gifts, or time, or being told, or being touched or acts of service. It is our job to figure out which form of love makes the biggest difference for those we love. And then we need to do them THAT way even when they are not natural to us.
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